As a therapist, my office is full of clients struggling with forgiveness. I often hear phrases like, “I just can’t forgive them,” or “I’ll never forgive them for what they’ve done.” These are not misguided, confused, or weak people. These are individuals in pain, searching for a way to cope.
I share in their struggle—I’ve wrestled with forgiveness myself. I hope this blog provides a bit of light in what can feel like a never-ending tunnel of darkness. My goal is to offer a pathway to peace through forgiveness and, perhaps, open the door to a more fulfilling life.
Past
More often than not, what we’ve lived through becomes the map that guides the rest of our lives. We move forward, dragging the pain of the past behind us. For some, those memories are filled with love, support, and joy. For others, the past holds disappointment, loneliness, or even despair.
My past, like that of so many others, carried its share of sadness and abandonment. I didn’t lose a loved one or suffer a single traumatic event—but my experience left a sizable hole in my soul. I, too, had to find a way to forgive the person who allowed so much disappointment to seep into my life.
Maybe this blog is part of that process—a way of letting go and moving forward. For what it’s worth, my journey is not unique. Like many, I’ve come to understand that pain has colored my life in both beautiful and difficult ways. But forgiveness has to start somewhere.
So let’s begin here—with three important truths:
1. Pain must be acknowledged.
It’s not enough to say, “just forgive and move on.” What you went through matters. Your pain deserves space and recognition.
2. You don’t have to forget.
Forgetting isn’t the goal. Some believe healing means leaving the past behind—but our bodies remember. The pain we carry often lives in our cells, our posture, our reactions. We cannot ignore that.
3. Pain can teach.
As difficult as it may be, the past can guide us. It can inform the choices we make now, helping us to set boundaries, make healthier decisions, and grow stronger.
Present
We live in the present, so it’s only fitting that forgiveness also lives here. Here are a few steps to begin:
1. Self-Acknowledgement
Take stock of where you are emotionally. Accept the hold that the lack of forgiveness may have on you. Don’t run from your feelings—embrace them. Forgiveness is not about excusing harm; it’s about creating space for peace. When we forgive, we free ourselves from the grip of the past.
2. Verbalize It
Say the words, “I forgive you.” Speaking them out loud—whether in prayer, in solitude, or in writing—can open a path to healing. You don’t have to say it to the person who hurt you (and often, you shouldn’t). Just speaking it begins a shift.
3. Physical Action
Involve your body in the process. Write a letter (even if you never send it), go through old keepsakes, or participate in a symbolic act—like lighting a candle or even dancing. The body carries our pain, so it makes sense to include it in the healing.
Future
Forgiveness is a kind of hope. A leap of faith. It means deciding to stop letting the past control our present and future. It’s about releasing the weight that holds us back from our dreams, our potential, and our peace.
The future isn’t guaranteed, but forgiveness gives us access to it. It unlocks doors we may have shut years ago.
For me, it’s been 40 years of carrying anger, mistrust, sadness, and pain. I’ve told myself I’d forgive “tomorrow.” But today, I’m starting the journey. It won’t be perfect. It won’t be quick. But it will be mine—and it can be yours too.
Check back in with me. I’ll share how it’s going. And I hope you’ll consider starting your own journey as well.
Norman Lloyd, MA, LPC, Retired Army Veteran
ForgivenessJourney, #HealingTogether, #TherapistThoughts, #EmotionalHealing, #MentalHealthMatters, #LetItGo, #InnerPeace, #LivingInColorReflections, #VisionariesOfLivingInColor
Living In Color: Love, Life & Everything in Between 
Leave a comment